Make it stop...

I'll go ahead and warn you...

If you're my Mom, Grandmother, Pastor's wife (Hi Elizabeth!!) or any other person who thinks girls should be "ladies" do not...and I repeat DO NOT read the below post. I think I've been living with Blake too long...

I may scar your vision of me forever.

Before I tell you this story let me just blame this on my sister, who when I told her what happened and said "I wish I could blog about this, but Mom would literally MURDER me she said, "Megan! You have to blog about this!!! It's too funny not to tell!!" As we were both crying laughing.

So here you go...

Let me first just state that I love ALL people, and I love yoga. However tonight was another story...

I walked up to the glass door of the yoga room just as it was about to start and saw that a substitute who's not my favorite instructor was teaching. Reluctantly, I walked in thinking, "Just be open minded. Even though she was horrible last time she taught the class, maybe miraculously she's improved"

Oh I was wrong. ALWAYS go with your gut instinct because what happened after that will forever scar me...

I sat in the back. Directly beside the door so I wouldn't get clausterphobic in the room of about 35 people. Directly in front of me...and I mean DIRECTLY ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF ME was an Ethnic man who looked like he hadn't showered in months...

The teacher began the class with a "today we're going to do something a little different"

"Oh great" I said to myself..."can't we just stick to what we know and like? Why do people like to change it up?!?!!"

"Partner up!"-she yelled "I want you to grab the person closest to you and sit back to back on your mats"

S***. "Just come on over smelly man...I know I'll get you," I thought...

Until the cute little lady sitting beside him ran to me and said "Be my partner!" in a half desperation tone.

She must have been thinking what I was thinking...

We went through a few exercises awkwardly grabbing each others knees and breathing back to back for 5 minutes.

During those 5 minutes I could think of nothing but "Why the hell did I ever start yoga...this is WEIRD!"

When we were done with the exercises we returned to our mats and began the class. We started with a balancing position where you extend your left arm and right leg out and hold it. Showerless man in front of me had a difficult time to say the least...

He fell over AT LEAST 8 times in the 60 seconds we were supposed to hold it while each time grunting LOUDLY "EHHHHHHHH EUGHHHHHHHHHHHH"....LOUDLY!!

I was already in a giddy mood from the few moments before...you know the kind of moments where you get the church laughs. The uncontrollable laughter that erupts from your soul and you can do nothing to stifle it? Yeah...those were just a brewin' in me...

We switched sides and yet again...**Splat, Splat, Crash...** I couldn't look in front of me for fear I would explode into laughter. I kid you not when I say I was waiting for Borat to come through the door and tell me I was on hidden camera.

All the while I was searching to make eye contact with SOMEONE...ANYONE who would think that this man making sexual grunts was as funny as I thought he was...

Let me just say there are WAYYYY too many mature people in Yoga. It's almost ridiculous.

I finally contained myself and regained my composure. As the teacher called out, "Now watch me as I swing my leg to the side on all fours" I slowly lifted my gaze up to the horror that will now scar me forever...

Drooping no further than 36 inches in front of my face were 45 year-old, showerless, Ethnic man and his...

BALLS.

"That's it, I'm done!! I am officially done for the day! Someone kill me...my eyes are burning" I thought...

I literally lost it...not into the quite laughter, but the kind where you snart because you're trying to contain it and then you hear yourself snart and loose it a little bit harder...

I grabbed my belongings 7 minutes into that class and ran out the door. I immediately called my sister and lost it...I could hardly get through the story.

When she heard me say "Ethnic balls" she lost it too...

So there you have it. As I sit in bed I'll be praying for the Lord to replace the images of the day in my head to heavenly ones...God help me.

Beat that, Mark...