Make it stop...

I'll go ahead and warn you...

If you're my Mom, Grandmother, Pastor's wife (Hi Elizabeth!!) or any other person who thinks girls should be "ladies" do not...and I repeat DO NOT read the below post. I think I've been living with Blake too long...

I may scar your vision of me forever.

Before I tell you this story let me just blame this on my sister, who when I told her what happened and said "I wish I could blog about this, but Mom would literally MURDER me she said, "Megan! You have to blog about this!!! It's too funny not to tell!!" As we were both crying laughing.

So here you go...

Let me first just state that I love ALL people, and I love yoga. However tonight was another story...

I walked up to the glass door of the yoga room just as it was about to start and saw that a substitute who's not my favorite instructor was teaching. Reluctantly, I walked in thinking, "Just be open minded. Even though she was horrible last time she taught the class, maybe miraculously she's improved"

Oh I was wrong. ALWAYS go with your gut instinct because what happened after that will forever scar me...

I sat in the back. Directly beside the door so I wouldn't get clausterphobic in the room of about 35 people. Directly in front of me...and I mean DIRECTLY ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF ME was an Ethnic man who looked like he hadn't showered in months...

The teacher began the class with a "today we're going to do something a little different"

"Oh great" I said to myself..."can't we just stick to what we know and like? Why do people like to change it up?!?!!"

"Partner up!"-she yelled "I want you to grab the person closest to you and sit back to back on your mats"

S***. "Just come on over smelly man...I know I'll get you," I thought...

Until the cute little lady sitting beside him ran to me and said "Be my partner!" in a half desperation tone.

She must have been thinking what I was thinking...

We went through a few exercises awkwardly grabbing each others knees and breathing back to back for 5 minutes.

During those 5 minutes I could think of nothing but "Why the hell did I ever start yoga...this is WEIRD!"

When we were done with the exercises we returned to our mats and began the class. We started with a balancing position where you extend your left arm and right leg out and hold it. Showerless man in front of me had a difficult time to say the least...

He fell over AT LEAST 8 times in the 60 seconds we were supposed to hold it while each time grunting LOUDLY "EHHHHHHHH EUGHHHHHHHHHHHH"....LOUDLY!!

I was already in a giddy mood from the few moments before...you know the kind of moments where you get the church laughs. The uncontrollable laughter that erupts from your soul and you can do nothing to stifle it? Yeah...those were just a brewin' in me...

We switched sides and yet again...**Splat, Splat, Crash...** I couldn't look in front of me for fear I would explode into laughter. I kid you not when I say I was waiting for Borat to come through the door and tell me I was on hidden camera.

All the while I was searching to make eye contact with SOMEONE...ANYONE who would think that this man making sexual grunts was as funny as I thought he was...

Let me just say there are WAYYYY too many mature people in Yoga. It's almost ridiculous.

I finally contained myself and regained my composure. As the teacher called out, "Now watch me as I swing my leg to the side on all fours" I slowly lifted my gaze up to the horror that will now scar me forever...

Drooping no further than 36 inches in front of my face were 45 year-old, showerless, Ethnic man and his...

BALLS.

"That's it, I'm done!! I am officially done for the day! Someone kill me...my eyes are burning" I thought...

I literally lost it...not into the quite laughter, but the kind where you snart because you're trying to contain it and then you hear yourself snart and loose it a little bit harder...

I grabbed my belongings 7 minutes into that class and ran out the door. I immediately called my sister and lost it...I could hardly get through the story.

When she heard me say "Ethnic balls" she lost it too...

So there you have it. As I sit in bed I'll be praying for the Lord to replace the images of the day in my head to heavenly ones...God help me.

Beat that, Mark...

I'll take your challenge, and raise you a Magnificence...

I woke up today to find out my awesome brother has put me up to a challenge.

A BLOG Challenge.

First of all, Mark...I never knew you read my blog. I thought you still considered me your servent and were too good to ever read such a thing! I'm flattered.

You see...My brother used to hate me. Actually detest me might be the better term. He was the oldest and I was the youngest. Naturally my parents loved me more because I was smaller than him.

I kid. I kid.

I think he was just mad that another person came along and took a fraction of the attention away from him. There were four of us...what did he expect?! We all say my mom gave him wayyyyy to much attention as a baby. She would tell him how perfect he was, and how he could do no wrong...(that is until he hit the age of 2 and began his rebellious streak) so when other siblings started popping up he just couldn't take it.

The day Jason came home from the hospital my mom made the HUGE mistake of wrapping him up in Mark's blanket. It wasn't a matter of minutes before Mark ripped that blanket off of Jason just to see him tumble to the ground. It's a miracle we all survived.

My claim to fame with Mark was that he used to make me bow down to him and call him "Master".

"GET ME A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH, MEGAN!!!!"

"Yes, sir"-Me

"Yes, WHAT?!!!"-Mark

"Yes, Master"-Me

Or how about how he told me I was adopted from K-Mart on the blue light special for 10 years. He would always say, "Well...you don't see any pictures of you from when you were a baby do you?!" THANKS MOM AND DAD!!! I was confused for so long. Was I really adopted from K-Mart?? I thought people were always telling us how much we looked alike...you know, the red hair and everything?!

I feared for my life at the age of 5. I still tell the stories to my dad these days in hopes of getting some kind of redeeming present for him leaving me with "Mark the babysitter Master."

Jason and Kelly insist they didn't know it was that bad, but I think they were just thankful the wrath of Mark was not on them so they CHOSE to forget. Who can blame them?! I would have turned my eye too!

Mark loved Kelly. He thought she was so little and cute...of course he did, who wouldn't?! I was the red-headed step-child to him.

Years passed and he began to love me. He'd call me out in a hot second, however if I showed any kind of signs of being selfish or choosing bad guys to date...YOU WERE A TEENAGER ONCE TOO!!!

However, I am SO thankful that he always stood up for me and looked out for me in those days. Every girl needs older brothers and I was thankful to have two awesome ones...

with loaded shot guns.

We have a funny and weird relationship, and our own language to boot...we talk in a weird voice to each other called our "Janet talk" and we say things like "Love love sugar...love love"-translation: I love you. Or we used to tell everyone we had "skin of Magnificence"-translation: We blind people walking down the beach and we need a way to make ourselves feel better about it.

All this to say that my brother has just started a blog and he has put me up to the challenge that his will be better. I have no doubt that it will be, Master. He's crazy fun and he'll keep you laughing so check his new blog out

A Descent Ascent

Oh I forgot to tell you...he's brilliant. What does his blog title even mean?! I'll get back to you after Webster and I have a quick date...

The Challenge is on Boo Boo...

Thanksgiving!

Can I just say that this time of year makes me so stinking happy?! I absolutely LOVE THE HOLIDAYS!!!

Although you would never know from the lack of decorations in my house...I'm working on it. This year I'm going to hit the sales right after Christmas for the decorations on clearance! :)

So we drove home Wednesday night and headed straight for the grocery store...



Although my mother-in-law had probably gone 5 times that week for everything else, the boys were in charge of the fried turkeys...and they took their job very serious.

After TWO hours in the store, a last minute decision to make lobster bisque soup from scratch for dinner at 10 pm????, a run into Mrs. Bonnie who gave us great turkey frying advice and 100 spices loaded up we were finally ready to check out...



When we got home Blake whipped up what seemed like a DISGUSTING concoction of a marinade for the turkey.

I'm talking he threw in barbeque sauce, minced garlic, mustard, red vinegar, every spice you can think of, salad dressings and anything else half opened in the fridge...and we're not talking he was going by a recipe. He was just throwing it in Emeril style...BAM! (I can't believe I just referenced that...I think I just chose the all time most annoying one word liner.)



We all kept yelling at him, "BLAKE! STOP!!" but he was like a kid wizard developing some kind of awful potion...



(that would be fire)

However, the next day when he forced me to try a piece of his turkey...

well...

I had to eat my words.

It was DEVINE! Quite possibly the best turkey I've ever had!! I'll just try to keep my mouth shut from now on when the man is in the kitchen.

We woke up ready to eat on Thanksgiving and I was so happy when this little bitty angel walked in!



I wanted to pretend she was mine, but her real mommy was there... :)



Beautiful Mommy and baby girl!!



I have honestly never seen more food in my life. My sister asked me what we had for lunch and I ran out of breath telling her...perhaps because my pants were too tight, but I'll blame it on the spread.



Every counter space was invaded by food. And don't think for a second I was complaining...it was AMAZING!



Here was my plate...can we say carb coma?



Clearly the spread made Blake, his brothers (and pop-in Jonathan) happy boys!



Afterwards we lounged around the house, and it was so fun to all be together!



Nikki finally made it over after her family's Thanksgiving and I was so happy to see her!!



Love her!



Oh...and I LOVE these people too!!



Nikki wasted no time, however getting to her beauty fixes...thankfully I was second in line! (I won't tell you who was first for fear my husband might kill me) ;)



The next night we headed to Britt's for the Eastside reunion, but not before we got a picture first! :)



We had so much fun, and Britt was such a fun entertainer...as always!



When we started turning into icicles we got desperate and decided to burn Britt's Christmas tree...that would be LAST year's Christmas tree...



Collins was the bearer of that idea, and clearly he was very proud of his suggestion :)



Best idea EVER!

(For about 60 seconds anyway...)



I loved catching up with all of our favorite people! There's something about the people you grow up with that make them extra special to you. Or I guess I should say extra special to me! :)



Love her!



Clearly Collins felt the same way about the night...



We had so much fun catching up and laughing with everyone...



And at the end of the night we were exhausted...but don't worry, Britt did a special "Peek through our window" picture before we left...



Love it!

I am so happy it is officially the Christmas season!!!!!!!!! :) :) :)

I am SO thankful!!

In the spirit of Thanksgiving I thought I would share a list of all the things I am thankful for! I am blessed beyond measure, and I know I don't deserve any of these things, but I thank God for each and every one of them!

Drum roll please...

1. Jesus...I don't just put him as #1 on my list because it's the "right" thing to do, but I actually am SO thankful for him. Every single day I'm reminded constantly that I need him more and more in my life. They say marriage is "Sanctifying" and boy are they right...I've seen my sin so much more than ever before this year, and I thank God that He forgives me over and over when I don't deserve it.

2. My Blake...I never thought I would ever have an amazing husband. That sounds terrible, but I just always saw myself settling for someone mediocre because I thought that was what I deserved. I thank God all the time that he didn't let me settle for just anybody, and that he gave me the gift of Blake. He is amazing, thoughtful, humble, funny, adventurous and so much more! So many times this year I've thought, "I feel like a kid enjoying life for the first time!" He has made my life so enjoyable, and I'm so thankful for him every single day!

3. My Family...I am so thankful for my "original" family and my "new" family! Each year I see my relationships with my Dad, Mom, sister, brothers, niece, nephew and grandparents grow deeper and become more meaningful, and it is so much fun to be a part of their lives. I'm thankful because you always go through the hard times with your family so when the good times come around you get to enjoy them that much more with them, and you appreciate them greatly! I'm also so thankful for Blake's family. I love each one of them like my own family and I couldn't have asked for a more loving, fun and amazing family to be a part of...right down to the cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents! They are all so much fun!

4. My Friends...When you get married your life changes drastically, but I am so thankful for my encouraging and loving friends who have made my life so much better than it already was before and after I got married. I love the history behind all of my friendships and I love each one of them like family! God has blessed me with amazing friends, and I am so thankful for each one of them!

5. My Health...every day I hear people suffering from so many illnesses and disabilites (I work for an insurance company), and I am constantly reminded of how blessed I am to be healthy and to have such a healthy family!

6. Our Home...I love our house here in Columbia! I am constantly reminded how blessed I am when I see all of the homeless people around this city. It honestly is heart breaking to see them, and I hope I will always be reminded to share in our blessings.

7. My job!...I am SO thankful for a job especially in this economy, and especially for one that is so good to me!

8. Yoga...I was reminded last night when I walked into yoga like a frazzled wire, and came out like a calm child that I really do love it!! It is so relaxing, and everyone should try it :)

9. My blog...half the time I go back at these posts and think, "what in the world was I talking about or thinking posting that?!" but I love having an outlet to share my life and to hear from you! I guess I should say I'm more thankful for YOUR blogs because they keep me entertained all day long! :)

10. And all the other little things that do not need a description such as:

Starbucks
Spicy Green Beans (My husband's recipe...amazing!)
Magazines
Greenville
Thanksgiving
Christmas
Any holiday that deems a day off from work
The mountains

And a million other things I won't bore you with! :)

I hope you have the absolute best Thanksgiving EVER! And don't worry...if you don't, there are thousands of other people out there pulling their hair out while having to sit by ___________ (the family member they can't stand!) :)

Love you all and Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

A Touch of Christmas...

So Sarah and I had our weekly coffee date last night after work, and look what she surprised me with!



Aren't they adorable?! I am in love with them! She hand-embroidered the "A" so now I actually have some sort of Christmas decoration to my name!

Here are the 4 that she gave me!



I love the green trimming!



And here is the start to our Christmas table...a work in progress! :)



And another view...



Thank you sweet Sarah...I LOVE them!!

My new favorite color

Do you ever get to the nail place and fret over which color to do your nails or toes? I don't go often, but when I do go I'm always thinking "Great, I'm going to waste $20 on this hideous color and want to take it off tomorrow."

Well good news girls...I got a pedicure this weekend, and I'm still not regreting my color! AND...I even went to two stores to actually buy it! So which one is it?

Well, it's Suzi Skis in the Pyrenees




Now you may be like my husband and say, "Megan, are you goth?"

Or my dad who when I asked him if he liked it, smiled, eyes-wide and said "Well, it's interesting"

But if you're not worried about impressing any guys go ahead and buy it...



Happy Tuesday! Only 2 days left until THANKSGIVING!!!!

Food, Family, Fun...and more Food

My sister deems a trip to Greenville unacceptable without a few trip(s) to Brick Street Cafe so we started out the weekend with a quick trip to get dessert.

Don't be jealous of my choice...or the glassware my dessert came in...



Best chocolate milkshake ever!

And here is Kelly's all-time favorite...



Peanut Butter Cake!

We followed our desserts up with a Manicure for Kelly and a Pedicure for me, and I forgot how much I love those...it's been awhile.

After that we came home to my Bird!


We ended the night at Blake's house (sans Blake) for dinner where we ate Sharon's AMAZING homemade pizza...



Bird refused to take her glasses off when she ate...



or while she was hanging with Brew (Brent's son)...


But she decided to share her sunnies with her new friend



She even cracked a smile for the second time ever in a picture...it was a special special night


We took a peak into Brent's life in oh about 7 years...



Oh wait...make that NIKKI and Brent's life in 7 years...



And after a long, fun night we were all worn out and ready to go to bed...



because we knew we'd have an early morning the next day!



Nikki and Brent decided to throw a garage sale at Blake's dad's office, so I came bright and early to watch the fun!



Preparing for it...



it was a hit! (even though I didn't snag a picture at peak hours)



Nikki decided to bring out her (BLUE!!) sunglasses and (I can hardly say the word) fanny pack (sick...) to play the part of the redneck garage seller...



I laughed SO hard!

Heck, towards the end they were getting so desperate they even tried bargaining their own son away...



We decided to stick with the theme for the day and hit up our favorite spot...



Our spread...


Doesn't this just make you hungry? I got my usual...double hashbrowns IN THE RINGS and extra well done bacon. (Those rings are crucial to a good breakfast)



Unfortunately Bauer got the shaft and had to eat apples and prunes instead...



That afternoon we decided to have a dad/daughter date and took a spontaneous trip up to Hendersonville, NC to see the house my dad is looking to buy...


I kid. I kid.

Unless of course he's hiding $2.4 million from me somewhere.

From the house we decided to take a stroll downtown with one large candy stop at Mast General Store. Holy moly...you could make the best stocking EVER for a kid from that store alone.

Shoot...you could make the best stocking ever for ME at that store alone!



It was a gorgeous day and we walked for hours...



ok maybe not hours...maybe one hour, but you get my drift, and then Naphtali found THIS store where she stomped her way in...



She was running through that store going crazy over everything...especially the shoes (obviously)



She exasperated herself so much on our little adventure that she crashed as soon as she hit the car seat.

And when the sunnies come off, you KNOW she is seriously done!



As soon as we got home, however she woke up to lots of loving from her uncles! hahaha Her 7 and 11 year old uncles....



And that night Kelly and I came across these while taking a trip to Gap, and had to get a matching set. It's a curse I have to get everything she gets...I think it makes me feel closer to her...

Yeah, I'll keep using that excuse.


I finally came back home and had an amazing dinner with my hubs, his dad and my brother-in-law, Chandler at the Blue Marlin (Oh of course...more food!) I was so stinking excited to see their beautiful Christmas decorations!


I forgot to take a picture of when my food came out, but obviously I enjoyed it!



There is nothing better than time with your family, especially my sister and my babies, so I was depressed to have to say goodbye for now, but it won't be too long before I'll have to turn around and go see them in Miami!

The bright side...It's a three day work week and my second favorite holiday is just days away!! You better believe there will be more food posts to come! :)