50 cents? Oh fine...take it all.

Name that movie.




My sister and mom will chime in any minute to tell you FIRST WIVES CLUB. We watched it 300,000 times, and that's all I can think of when I think of the robber who broke in my car yesterday and stole my purse.



He was probably thinking, this is the greatest day of my life...


and then he opened my wallet up to find somewhere between 40 and 75 cents (on a good day).


I say "he" because you know no girl is going to steal your purse knowing your favorite lip gloss, camera with your family pictures and all forms of identification are about to vanish. Us women don't do things like that to each other, right?!




Sheesh...


MEN.




Anywho...my point of this story is not to complain.




I did enough of that when we came home from the gym and realized that my purse was in fact stolen. Blake walked into the house, searched everywhere and came out to assure me that it had in fact been stolen. I reacted with grace and dignity...



I threw that water bottle so hard across the parking lot and yelled, "DAMNIT!!!!!!"


I like to pride myself on my ability to hold my composure when I'm pissed :)


I will say the worst part about this whole experience was that they took my most priceless possesion. You may wonder what that might be? Well, it's this...



I had $9 FREAKING DOLLARS IN REWARDS POINTS!!!!

Do you know how hard that is to do?! Well, I'll tell you...YOU HAVE TO EAT $90 WORTH OF YOGURT!!! All that work just down the tube. And you know the worst part?!

I forgot to add that to my claim on my homeowner's insurance today!!!!!

Anywho...my point of this story has completely gotten side-tracked.

(Apparently I'm seeing that I have anger issues by the "AAKHDIHEH" and the "!!!!!!!!!!!!!")

Where's my nutra calm vitamin when I need one?!

That's another post for another day...(my holistic doctor told me my nerves are shot these days...I could have saved the $90 and diagnosed myself with that)

Anywho...

My point is that all of this may have been the biggest blessing in disguise...

I don't think I've ever wished so badly that I could have shared a day with someone so bad as I did today.

It was glorious.

Magnificent.

Quite possible the best day I've had in years...and let me tell you why...

I LAUGHED MY A** OFF (not quite sure why I feel the need to *** on certain words and not others, but just go with it...)

My first experience was at the DMV.

Are you still reading? Probably not. but I have to remember this day so I'll keep writing...

I spotted the cutest little baby I've ever seen in my life...and then I looked up to see it's 19 year old mother (maybe I should clarify and say that none of this is actually funny...more just mind-boggling-well, this part anyway).

The baby was 10 months old, didn't have any of it's little teeth yet and was WALKING (smart baby!) barefoot through the DMV. I started talking to her and telling her how freaking adorable her baby was...I even asked if I could have him!


You can't take me out in public. I apologize.


Anywho...when he started crying she handed him a bottle filled with pink lemonade. A 10 MONTH OLD BABY PINK LEMONADE! She said, "He won't drink any a dat infamil or nothin'...he be eatin like a real man even though he ain't got no teeth."

Fair enough...

and then she pulled out a family size bag of salt and vinegar chips and handed the baby (WITHOUT TEETH) a handful of rippled chips.

Instantly I regretted all those times I passed up learning CPR.

Much to my surprise...after he made a sour face, he ate them!

Who says I know anything?!


Then came the social security office. Luckily I had the joy of sitting by the 70 year old versions of Lucy and Ethel. The first thing out of their mouths to the security guard keeping watch over all 300 of us was, "Sir...SIR!! Turn this channel to dem' soap opera's...this Andy Griffith shit be whack."

"Ma'am we've been informed that we're not allowed to do that...they say it's not appropriate for the chitlins"

The other one yelled out, "Well, I can't read a damn thing back here on dem' subtitles"

I loved them already.

They talked to me about how much they hated Judge Judy...I mean they HATE HER. They critiqued each woman's hairstyle that walked through the doors, they made stink faces and this man sitting in front of us with a bandage on his arm saying behind is back, "man, das jus nasty. You don't even do that in public."

And then by far my favorite part of the whole day was when a 16 year old boy came and sat down next to us telling us about his cruise he just went on with his family. The one farthest from me sat straight up and got all but 9 inches from that child's face asking where he had been.

"Well, Belize, Honduras, the Grand Cayman Islands..."

"THAT GRAND CADEMAN'S ISLAND!!!!....Damn, you know I'd been wantin' to go ever since dat movie The Firm came out with dat Tom Cruise and they had that swim-up bar...Lord, I could have some GOOD times at dat swim up bar now!!'

"Ohhhh yeah...some GOOD times!" said her friend

"You know how much dat was?! I wus driving down Lauren's Road da otha' day and I saw they had a special for $499 to the Grand Cademan's Islands..."

"Well, no ma'am my dad took us on that trip"

"oh yeah of course he did...damn, I need a daddy."

NUMBER E7888 please come to Hall A room 15

And just like that my time was up with my new favorite friends.

But not before I stood up and got a, "Damn, that dress you be wearin's pretty."


Well, thank you, Lucy.


You made my damn day a damn good day.

Brent and Nikki's Engagement Weekend!

Oh man...did I wait a loooong time for this weekend to come!! Brent made the mistake of telling me A WHOLE MONTH before it was going to happen, and I seriously thought I was going to lose it and burst the big secret out every single day of the month of June!

The entire month I "tested" Nikki to see if she had any idea what was up ahead.

For instance...

The day Brent told me he was having her ring made we had dinner with the two of them that night. While the boys were outside grilling I non-chalontly asked her if they had talked about marriage recently or had any sort of plans. Her exact words were, "Oh heavens no...we're not getting married for the next 5 years!"

I laughed so hard inside thinking oh man are you about to be surprised!!

So here is how it all happened...

We had about a million different lies going on. It was 4th of July weekend, and we were all originally supposed to head up to the lake, but then at the last minute we all pretended we were either tied up with work, waiting on someone or going to the grocery store and had to cook, and that we would either come late Friday night or early Saturday morning.

Lie #1,289...we were all meeting up at the Keowee Local Market and would all drive up together.

I wish I could have gotten a picture of everyone, but here was Blake, Derek, Kayla and Nikki's mom...



The entire way up Sharon and I were freaking out! Nikki called the two of us about 10 times seeing where we were, telling me she felt so bad I had to work so late (haha! SO sweet!!) and asking when we would be there.

My favorite part, and the time I almost lost it was when I said, "Nikki hold on...TEDDY GET BACK HERE!!!"...I acted like I was taking Teddy out to go to the bathroom at our house when really I was about 2 mins away from seeing her. I literally had to pull the phone away so she wouldn't hear me laugh.

Sharon finally decided she couldn't lie one more time and started refusing to answer her phone calls. Here was one of those times...



We finally got word from Brent (who was out on the lake with Nikki) that we could go in the house (IN THE DARK!) and set up everything.

All of us ran around so excited and tried to set up everything quickly. We planned to have a little party when they got back in...



FINALLY we were all ready to take our positions. This is such a horrible picture (seeing as I had just gotten a spray tan and I look like a CARROT), but it makes me laugh everytime because we were hiding in the bushes, and we were all yelling at each other to be quiet. None of us could contain our excitement!!



Finally we got the signal to turn on the spotlight and all you could hear was...

"SHUT. YOUR. MOUTH!!!!"

We took that as a yes! :)

and then all you could hear was, "GET ME TO LAND!!"

And here came the beautiful blushing bride-to be...


and the moment that made me cry...seeing her and her mom hug as soon as she got off the boat! So sweet and so happy!!!



and I think it is obvious how happy and relieved Brent was that she said "YES!" :)



and then we all celebrated and had the best night together!



I was dying to see how it looked from the water so we all took a little boat ride to see what Nikki saw-Brent did an AMAZING job with the sign!



We are so happy to report that SON will finally have a real MUDDER!



I'm pretty sure Nikki didn't sleep a wink that night, but we had so much fun the next day talking about everything and apologizing for every little lie I had told for a month straight...there were a lot to tell!

It was a VERY happy morning!



I love how close Brent and Blake are, and I can't tell you how THRILLED I am that Brent is giving me such a perfect, precious and amazing sister!! I could not have hand-picked a more perfect person for him or for me! :) I cannot wait for all the fun times to come, and to share them with two of the most special people!!



It was one of the most fun and memorable weekends we've ever had, and I cannot WAIT until September 1st, 2012!!!!!

No really, I can't wait.

Nikki, are you sure you don't want to move that date up?!!?!

LOVE YOU BOTH!!!

I'm Back.

WOW!! It's been almost 3 months since my last blog...is anyone even out there?!

It feels so good to be back after my long hiatus!!

I've missed you all so very much, but I've been creeping on YOUR blogs during this time...don't worry! :)

So where have I been?!



Well...we MOVED!



I will say that it was quite sad to leave our very first house we shared together.

I was sweeping all the dog hair before we left and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I burst into tears thinking about all the fun times we had together, all the memories we made, all the times I threw something at Blake when he made me mad...

I kid. I kid!

Anywho, we did it!

But I swear that blind in the background was broken before we moved in...



And we did it (thankfully!) with the help of our sweet brother, Brent!!



So while we're back-tracking let me take you back to the beginning of summer...

I got an awesome new job that I LOVE...



We went to the lake multiple times.



We took family hike days...



We hung out with our favorite people...



We visited waterfalls...



and we were dared to go down some of those waterfalls...



and we actually MADE IT down the smaller ones...



and we got a few bruises from a certain dad landing on a certain daughter...

AHEM.

It's ok, Dad...I forgive you.

Moving on...

We shopped and found cute little dessert plates!



we dreamed of sprinkles and ice cream because of said dessert plates...



And FINALLY we moved into a little apartment until we find a little home to move into :)



Don't you like how I left only one lamp on...



the "dining room table"...



The Kitchen...



and last, but not least...our bedroom!



You know I'll be back because I have yet to highlight the most exciting thing that's happened all summer...Nikki and Brent's engagement weekend!! :)